Chanel

Yesterday was aaawfull! I couldn't get out of bed until 4 pm and then I could hardly stand up straight. My body was shaking and mu head felt like 100 kg. So what did this stupid mf do? I ATE AND ATE AND ATE!

Binge Binged   I hate myself for that god damn it! I'm going to be in a bikini in 2 weeks can't eat FFS!
2 days and I felt like I was dying of undernourishment ha-ha. I'm so effing funny! Almost overweight and only lost about 10 kg since the 16th of June. I'm so weak, I have no self-control and I don't try hard enough!

Today I had a cony ice cream 69 g (186 calories) and going to have lightdrink 1-2 L (10-30 calories) and 1 lolly (37) later. If I eat anything else, there will be nu France! It will be my grave, I will OD and I wont recover.


I don't know what to do for the next 14 days. It feels like a lifetime and so much could go wrong!
I don't know how to survive, how to loose 4-7 kg. I can't be in the hospital on my departure date. And I can't go if I don't loose weight. And I need/want more money to make myself look pretty for France.

Omg so much pressure

Yes I have something to look forward to, but it brings a lot of expectations and more desires for perfection.
It would be so much easier to just die now, right!? But I promised my bf to see her and I'm going to keep that promise.


xoxo
Chanel